My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
