I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
