I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
