I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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