You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
