Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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