im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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