maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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