We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
