He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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