ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
