apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
