and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
