How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
