She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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