you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
