The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
