He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
