Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
