im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
