Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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