he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
