Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
