at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
