After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
