Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
