Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We're not piercing ourselves today.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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