A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
