i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
