I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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