remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
