Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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