Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
