I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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