So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
