Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm too high and old for this...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
