does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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