I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
