some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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