So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
