cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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