Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
