Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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