I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
