So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
