she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
