Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
