Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
