so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
