Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
