so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
