god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
