Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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