You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
