Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
